THE BEST [MOSTLY] CLEAN JOKES

What is a dinosaur's least favorite reindeer?
Comet

How does NASA organize a party?
They planet

What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?
Dam

What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator

Why aren't koalas actually bears? 
They don't meet the koalafications

Why does a duck have tail feathers?
To cover it's buttquack

What do you call a dinosaur with a good vocabulary?
A thesaurus

Why was the mushroom the hit of the party?
Because he's a fun-gi

​What did the little acorn say when he grew up?
Geometry

What city are you in when you drop your waffle on the beach?
Sandy eggo

Where did the one-legged man work?
Ihop

What do gay horses eat?
Haaaaaay

Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?
Fo drizzle

What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? 
Supplies!!!

What do you call a pig that does karate?
Pork chop

What happened to the frog's car?
It got toad

Why did the bee get married?
Because he found his honey

What is orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot

What was Beethoven's favorite fruit?
Ba-na-na-na

Why can't you trust atoms?
Because they make up everything

What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
Snowballs​


Want more? You asked for it...

What did the ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing, it just waved

What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta

How does a farmer count cows?
With a cowculator

What did the cobbler say when a cat wandered into his shop?
Shoe

What did the buffalo say when his son left for college?
Bison

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
A stick

What is bruce lee's favorite drink?
Wattaaaaahh!

What did the 0 say to the 8?
Nice belt

Knock Knock. [Who is there?] I eat mop. [I eat mop who?] 

Two guys walk into a bar. The first says he'll have some H2O. The second says he'll have H2O2. He died.

Why did I divide sin by tan?
Just cos

What does a nosey pepper do?
Gets jalepeno business

What do you call a fish without an eye?
Fshhhhhh

What has a bottom at its top?
Your legs!

What did the lawyer name his daughter?
Sue

What do sea monsters eat for lunch?
Fish and ships

How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
Look for the fresh prints

What did the pirate say when he turned 80?
Aye matey

Why is peter pan always flying?
He neverlands

Why don't cats play poker in the jungle?
Too many cheetas

What do you call bears with no ears?
B

Where do eggplants come from?
Chickenplants

Why can't a bike stand on its own?
It's two tired

What do ghosts serve for dessert?
Iscream

What shape is pacman?
omnomnomagon

How do you catch a unique rabbit?
You neek up on it!

How do you catch a tame rabbit?
The tame way

Why are frogs happy?
They eat whatever bugs them

Where does the general keep his armies?
In his slevies

Why do skunks celebrate valentines day?
Because they are scent-imental

What do you call a number that can't keep still?
A roman numeral

What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer

Why don't leopards play hide and seek?
Because they're always spotted

Why didn't the melons get married?
Because they cantelope

Why did the painting go to jail?
It was framed

What do you call a cow with a twitch?
Beef jerky

What is brown and sticky?
A stick